Loss Aversion: Why We Cling To The Things That Drain Us

Ever feel trapped in a job that drains your energy but feels impossible to leave? Many of us stay stuck, bound by loss aversion and the fear of wasting the time and effort we’ve invested. But sometimes, letting go isn’t failure, it’s freedom. Balancing resilience with self-awareness can help us break free and pursue what truly matters.

Think back to a time when you couldn’t let go of something, a job, a project, a hobby, or even a relationship that had long outgrown its excitement. Despite its drain on your energy, leaving it felt impossible. Psychologists call this loss aversion, a resistance to parting with what we already own, even if it no longer serves us, which can keep us locked in situations that drain, rather than fulfill, us.

From a scientific perspective, loss aversion has roots in human evolution, where avoiding losses- like food or safety - was crucial for survival. This instinct remains embedded in our brains, driving a tendency to weigh potential losses more heavily than potential gains. Psychologist Daniel Kahneman, along with Amos Tversky, studied this phenomenon in the 1970s, showing that the pain of losing something is about twice as intense as the pleasure of gaining it.

In high-stakes jobs like consulting, investment banking, and law, this psychological effect is ever so strong, fueled by the long hours, missed birthdays, weekends sacrificed, and relentless effort invested. People in these roles start out driven by dreams of achievement, status, financial security and/or postive impact. But as years go by, motivations fade, and personal lives take a backseat.

I’ve seen it firsthand. Friends in these demanding careers began their journeys with ambition and excitement. Yet, as the years passed, their weekends disappeared into work, their passions were shelved, and their social lives became a distant memory. When I’d ask why they didn’t consider leaving, their answers were strikingly similar: “I’ve invested too much to walk away.” It’s a sentiment that resonates with so many, a fear that leaving would invalidate years of hard work and sacrifice. But what’s often overlooked is the cost of staying, including the emotional toll, the missed opportunities, and the quiet erosion of joy.

Here are a few reminders I keep in mind to balance resilience with knowing when to move on. Quitting isn’t always the answer - growth and success very often comes from perseverance. But it’s just as important to recognize when something no longer aligns with your values or goals.

1- Understand the difference between challenges and misalignment

Not every tough day is a reason to quit. Resilience is about navigating obstacles that are part of meaningful growth. Ask yourself: are the challenges you face helping you grow stronger, smarter, or better? Or are they signs that your work is fundamentally misaligned with your values and long-term goals? Staying the course is wise when the struggle leads to progress, but misalignment often signals it's time to consider a new direction.

2- Assess the balance between effort and return

Perseverance is valuable, but it should deliver results over time. Reflect on whether the energy you’re investing is yielding proportional returns, be it in growth, learning, fulfillment, or opportunities. If your hard work feels like you're a hamster spinning on a wheel, it might be time to re-evaluate. The goal isn’t to avoid hard work but to ensure that effort moves you closer to where you want to be.

3- Revisit your values and long-term goals

As life evolves, so do your values and priorities. Take time to regularly reflect on what matters most to you. If your current path no longer supports those values or moves you toward your long-term goals, staying might be holding you back.

These values could be professional but also personal. I once knew a person who calculated not only his paycheck but the cost of every hour he spent away from family, hobbies, and his health. His turning point came when he realized that the hours “bought” by his paycheck couldn’t replace missed moments with loved ones or reverse the impact on his health.

Success isn’t about sticking it out at all costs. It’s about aligning your efforts with what truly matters to you.

4- Recognize that moving on isn’t quitting

Leaving a role or pursuit that no longer serves you isn’t failure; it’s growth. Starting over can feel daunting, but it often opens doors to opportunities better suited to your skills, passions, and goals. Remind yourself that moving on doesn’t erase the work you’ve put in - it builds on it, creating a foundation for something better. True resilience is knowing when to persevere and when to pivot.

Moving Forward: Balancing Resilience with Self-Awareness

The next time you feel trapped by loss aversion, remember that resilience is about pursuing goals aligned with your values. If the path you’re on still feels right, let your strength carry you through challenges. But if the only reason you’re staying is a fear of “losing” what you’ve invested, consider that sometimes the most courageous act is choosing a new direction.

As Antoine de Saint-Exupéry writes in a French book I read when I was a teenager, called Le Little Prince, “It’s the time you have wasted for your rose that makes your rose so important.” We attach meaning to the things we nurture, and that’s not a bad thing. But responsibility to what we’ve invested in doesn’t mean imprisonment. Sometimes, the bravest act isn’t holding on, it’s recognizing when to let go. Balancing resilience with self-awareness can help us break free and refocus on what truly matters. After all, freedom often begins with the courage to walk away.